Do you want to be right or happy?

As someone who has spent a lot of my life wanting to be right,  when I first asked myself ‘Do I want to be right or happy?’ it really challenged me.

I wanted both. But I felt that giving up being right was the only way I could be happy. (Now there’s a self imposed limitation if ever I heard one!)

For the longest time I hated being wrong. My need to be right was so strong and the ‘s’ word was the word that just seemed to be physically impossible to get out of my mouth……. It just seemed to get stuck.

So what do we gain from being right?

Sure, it temporarily makes our egos feel good, but it’s often at the expense of our relationships, our fun and our peace.

Spending time with someone who needs to be right all the time….. Hmmm, not so much fun to be around.

We want to be understood, loved and accepted. Yet, the need to be right can destroy all of the things that bring us close connection with others.

What if we’re totally missing the point?

Now understand me, I’m not suggesting that we become passive and acquiesce to everyone else’s point of view and lose all sense of who we are. But often, when we’re arguing with someone, it’s really a disagreement about some difference in our beliefs and values.

No two of us are the same. We’re all unique. We all have different experiences, beliefs, values and opinions that make us who we are in this moment.

And yet we want others to agree with us? Interesting.

When did we become so utterly polarised? I'm happy you're happy

It seems to me that we’re living in a world where more and more there are only two positions. Right and wrong. We see everything in black and white and we lose the richness and the possibilities that the gazillion shades of grey have to offer us.

It’s everywhere. Media. Education. Business. Politics. Relationships.

So what if you could be right and happy?

I believe you can. Now, this may initially make no sense, but stay with me.

From my perspective and my world view I am right, but from your perspective and world view you too are right.

Can two different points of view not co-exist and both be right?

Not when judgement is in the equation.

Forcing our truth on anyone never works. It’s like the salesman who is desperate to sell you something you don’t want. It repels us.

So the next time you find yourself disagreeing with someone, understand that they’re just expressing an aspect of their world view. It really isn’t personal. Unless you choose to make it so.

When we listen to others without judgement we can learn. It expands our awareness and makes room for new possibilities.

When we allow someone else to have their point of view, we create a different energy in the relationship – whether personal or professional.

When we’re interested in understanding others, we make better relationships and build better connections.

And it’s in that space that the magic of relationships can happen and solutions, beyond what we thought were possible, can open up.

So you want to be right and happy?

Drop judgment of yourself and others.

Change your view of what it means to be right.

Allow yourself and others around you to be right, even when it disagrees with ‘your right’. Remember everyone is right from their unique perspective of the world.

Acknowledge the gap. Seek to understand. Ask questions. Be kind. Be curious.

Be prepared to redefine, and create anew, your view of what is right in every moment. We get to create ourselves over and over. Drop what no longer serves you. Don’t stay imprisoned because of your ego.

That’s got to be better than hitting each other over the head with our truths…….  Right? 🙂

So you’re in conflict with someone? Choose something different and see what shows up and let me know how you get on – I’d love to hear from you.

 

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