A change of tact. A whole new world of possibilities. You game?

Who in your life do you clash with?

Who is it that, when you talk to them, the dialogue just seems to go round and round in circles and neither of you really ‘get’ each other?

The harder you try the more frustrated you get…….In fact, if you’re honest sometimes the other person just infuriates you. clash of values

This doesn’t matter so much if you don’t have to get along with that person, but what happens when it’s a work colleague or business partner?

This can have a negative impact on the business, your performance and your stress levels which can be demoralising and frustrating.

What if you could change this?

There are many reasons we clash with others. Sometimes it can be due to our styles of communication. Some of us are succinct while others are verbose, emotional as opposed to factual, guarded as opposed to open and diplomatic as opposed to direct.

But here I want to focus not on our style of communication, but on the words we use to communicate.

Generally speaking when we talk to someone we talk from our perspective and our values, in our language. We expect others to get it and so often they just don’t.

Stop talking to people from your values.

You are wasting your time. Unless of course they see the world as you do. Hmmmm unlikely.

So, say for instance that money and results are the most important thing for you. You will probably talk to someone in terms of targets and results. You may well endure pain and do things you don’t want to achieve the end result and the reward, but this is your language and your world.

If these things aren’t important to the other person it will not engage them. If it is important for the other person to help others, then you can talk all day long about your targets, turnover and results and they will most likely look at you blankly. But begin to translate that into their language  eg talking about how many people we are looking to help, the difference that this could make for people and the impact it could have on their lives and you will have begun to get them interested.

You are doing the same thing, you are simply talking about it in a different way. And that makes a whole world of a difference.

Listen to what is important to the other person.

It feels good when we feel that people ‘get us’.

Really listen to the other person and how they communicate what is important to them. This may take time and effort initially but it is worth it.

Not sure what is important to them – Ask them!

As Albert Einstein so wisely said, Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

So looking for a different result? Then do something different. Experiment with translating what you want done into the other person’s language and just see what happens. If it works great, do more of that. If it doesn’t try something else.

Over to you

So, you game?

  • What could you do differently to change conversations you are having with that person who infuriates you?
  • If you could see the value the other person has to offer what could it be? 
  • What energy would this free up for you to use more positively?


Not prepared to change what you are doing….. What stops you – pride?

Struggling to know where to start? Get in touch or take this online tool. It will help you get clear about what is important to you. It is key that you understand you before looking to understand others.

And just imagine if it turns out that you are both focused on achieving the same things, it’s just that you express it in different ways?

And what if the energy you were using against each other you were able to redirect into achieving more success for the business? Just saying.


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Looking to create change in your business? Then check out Consciously Creating Culture